Goal Setting for Yourself and Your Relationship

It’s important to dream big and set goals for yourself and your relationship. I have my goals posted in various places around the house and my office as reminders and little pieces of encouragement to stay motivated to reach those goals. I find that setting goals and having something that we’re working towards makes what you’re trying to obtain just a little more tangible.

Goals are an important piece to a healthy relationship. And there are two parts to this: yourself, and your relationship. By setting goals for ourselves, we still get to obtain some of that individualism that is so important in a relationship. You can definitely have a partner that compliments you so well—and I consider my fiancé, Andy, my best friend—but I wouldn’t say that we’ve completely melded our lives together to the point that we don’t recognize each other as individuals. We still do activities that we enjoy separately. Whether that’s me going out with some girlfriends for Mexican food, or Andy going ice fishing with some of his guy friends. I think that’s an important part of having a healthy relationship, because you can come back and talk to each other about those things. That spices it up rather than, “Hi honey, how was your day?” “Good.” “What’d you do?” “Nothin’.” I’m sure we can all relate to that conversation too. So, by goal setting and dreaming big, we get to go beyond just the day-to-day routines that we’re in.

I practice this first with myself, because by filling my cup, it gets to overflow and fill everyone else’s cups around me; rather than functioning from a half-empty cup all the time and trying to fill from there. That’s just a way to burn out, exhaustion, and unhappiness. So, when I’m goal setting for myself, I first think about the experiences I want to be having, and the places I want to go. I don’t have to worry about if they’re even obtainable. I’d think about what my ideal life, or career, or ideal relationship look like. From there, I would write down ideas. Ideally, I meditate about it, or I just get really comfortable in my chair and daydream out the window to think about that for a little bit. Typically, I would think about my ideal situation. Would I be living in Green Bay, would I be photographing full time, or would animals and plants surround me? Many of you know these answers for me, because I’ve made those goals happen. But, focus on anything that could possibly come to mind; that’s what I’m thinking about. Maybe it’s that I want to own a businesses and be a multimillionaire by the time I’m thirty, or whatever it may be. Whatever feels good and whatever comes up for you. Just notice that. There isn’t any judgment about what may come up, or what is right or wrong when thinking about your ideal situation. It’s an observation. You get to notice it, and notice what pops into your head. From there, you get to hone in on what’s really important for you, what really matters to you, and what you want to focus on as a goal for yourself after you took the time to dream big and think about what the ideal world would be filled with. You don’t have to take away some items just because you might not know how they’ll happen. By putting them out there, saying that you want them to happen, and declaring that those goals are going to happen, that's the first step into bringing that into our lives, and calling it in. That allows more of our goals come to us, and get to attract that.

What I do then is focus on a couple different areas of my life that I want to set some goals. Typically I focus around my relationships, whether that is with Andy, with my parents, or my friends. I also think about my health, my career, my clients, my time—like how many hours a week I want to be working, how many hours a week I want to dedicate toward furthering education for myself, anything like that. And then, my money; what my money goals are for a period of time, typically I do twelve months. I take those goals and I make them something that might be a little bit out of my comfort zone, like “ooo, I don’t know if I’m going to reach that,” but I’m going to put it out there, because this is what I truly want. That is what’s going to make the ultimate experience that I want to be having in life. From there, we break it down a little bit. We focus on taking the next right step in that process.

The same thing can happen in our relationships. I think it’s super important to set goals in our relationships once we know the goals we have for ourselves. Maybe you want to go get your masters degree, maybe you want to start a business, maybe you want to adopt twelve dogs, maybe you want to have a baby, or be a mom or a dad, maybe you want to travel the world and backpack for two months. When you’re setting those goals for yourself, you get to think of it as what do I want, what do I need, and what is going to make me the absolute happiest person I can be, that’s going to make best version of myself. You get to think really, really big; you get to dream really big, and that’s because you’re probably with somebody that’s going to support, and love that. If you’re not, that’s okay too. And you’ll get to find that out when you’re setting goals—because again, we get to fill our cups first.

So, once we have those goals for ourselves, and know where we want to take those next steps in our lives, in the next month, the next year, the next five years; once you have a thought of what you want that to look like, then you can take that, and you can create goals within your relationship, if that applies to you. What I recommend doing is sitting down with our partner, and do a similar exercise. Be in a really comfortable space, where there’s no judgment in whatever comes up. There are no right answers, no wrong answers. Just put the ideal situation out there. And if your partner hasn’t done any individual goal setting, you can walk them through it too. You might be surprised! Maybe you both want to open up a business, but you’ve never said that before. Maybe you both want to build a home and you’ve never said that before. From there, you get to create goals for yourselves as a couple, and for a long-term, happy, healthy relationship. For Andy and myself, that looks like: traveling each year. Also, we both are in alignment that we would like to build a house within the next three to five years, and have hunting land—which I thought I would never say—but I see the benefits now. We can have different goals that we’re working towards as a couple, because we set these goals for ourselves as individuals, and we had an open conversation about it. Andy and I would just crack open some beers, or would just be driving along, and put the question out there. We know there isn’t any pressure, or any expectation of what’s going to happen, or even what’s going to come from that conversation. I know it can feel vulnerable and really stretchy to put those goals out there. Maybe these are things you’ve kept really close inside, and you haven’t shared it with anybody. Maybe you’ve got this really great, big dream inside of you, like starting a nonprofit, or wanting to go on a mission trip, or [insert big dream here]. Maybe you haven’t shared that before, and by sharing it just this first time with someone else, with this person that loves and cares for you, you’re bringing that much closer to happening.

I invite you to get a little uncomfortable. This might be a chance for your partner to learn something new about you or you learn something new about your partner. But I think it’s really important to dream big and think about the ideal life that you want to be living. That starts first with us as individuals, and then bringing that into our relationship. I love goal setting, dreaming big, and taking the next right step to make that happen. So, if anyone would like support on goal setting, please feel free to reach out to me. There are a number of tips I can give you that goes deeper into this. As long as we’re being intentional with our goal setting, and really listening to that voice inside of us that believes we can do anything, rather than that shitty committee, that says, “Who are you to believe that, there’s no way we can do that.” Instead, we get to listen to that voice inside us that loves us, and wants us to succeed. That’s the place we want to set goals from. So, if anyone has any questions on goal setting, or sharing your dreams with me, you can either contact me, or go to my Facebook page and leave a comment. I would love to help take your relationship to the next level by setting goals for yourself, and with your partner.

Dream big,